9/11: Memoir of a Lost Beloved

 

7^th September 2001

Upper Galilee, Israel

For us –Chloe Ryan and me, Joshua Wolff - it was the unceremonious yet greatly reliving end of our two struggling years of ‘being together’. Being born in an orthodox Jewish community, it’s a grave blunder for anyone to marry outside faith, let alone a Christian. Nevertheless, despite knowing all the dos and don’ts, my headstrong heart failed to change and thus, I courageously committed such ‘heresy’-as my family would call it- to marry the “Gracious Queen” of my heart, Chloe, and live a life without shame. On the eve of my treacherous departure, Joseph Wolff-my ‘once-upon-a-time’ father- gave me a hard shove which nearly had me slipping past the last doorstep. Seething with the ‘infuriating wrath’ of my ancestors, he towered over me with squinting eyes and whispered menacingly his last words.

“Joshua Wolff, you are such a CULPRIT and brazen TRAITOR! I DISOWN YOU from this very moment! Neither you nor your offspring will have even a pinch of my property!” Father lamented.

Hoisting my small luggage on my shrunken shoulders, I knowingly abandoned my father’s property and headed towards the Uncertain. With the intoxicating fragrance of endearing Israel prickling my nose, and their harshest words ‘If you ever set foot in Israel, you’d better be given to the dogs!’ reverberating off my surroundings, I launched my tedious journey towards United States of America- our new home. . .

9^th September, 2001

 Hotel Vila Zurich, Istanbul

Israel, being a Jewish state, was still in grievous conflicts with the rest of the Middle East, because of their age-old feud with the Palestinian Muslims. Hence, with the Jewish blood running through my veins, the Arab routes didn’t spare me even the slightest harassment or embarrassment. My adamant ego was raged beyond control! But a part of me singularly consoled it by recalling back unforgettably sweet memories of Chloe – my lullaby in countless, restless and lonely nights.

As the immigrant officers unnecessarily scrutinized through my identification documents, it felt like my time had frozen to a standstill, while other fellow Arab passengers smoothly passed through each check post within a jiffy. With an irreparably broken spirit, I closed my eyes out of sheer impatience .But where did all that anguish vanish now? Instead an overwhelmingly affectionate surge inundated my dejected soul, and there I could visualize the love of my life . . . Chloe’s endearingly ethereal visage! I could swear by Hashem (Editor’s note: Hebrew God)! That enticing voice of hers starkly rang in my beseeching ears . . . .

“Josh my love! I am waiting here . . . .,” she lightly caressed my face, “Sweetheart don’t stop….don’t you give in. Come soon, come back to me!”

My heart skipped a beat as her mesmerizing words strengthened my numb sub-consciousness. Holding her elegant hands in mine, in that blessed moment, I kissed them with all my passion. And I promised to her I would fight all odds and cross every obstacle just to be there with her . . . to live a life together and without shame!

When I opened my eyes, the cruel reality slapped me across my face. But Chloe, my dearest, would she believe not a single part of me could forget the vivid lucidity of her kiss . . . her sweet warm mouth? And the timeless wait seemed to be over in a hairbreadth’s time, and then hallelujah! They finally let me go!

Finally, after three days of unwavering patience and determination, I have managed to reach Istanbul, Turkey- the only near-to-safe place for a Jew. After a long while of searching, I luckily came across a small hotel run by a wonderful Jewish family-Hotel Vila Zurich. My thumping heart and wary brain finally found themselves a tranquil haven to rest!

 

10^th September, 2001

Sultanhamet Street, ISTANBUL

Today, before the full break of dawn, I dressed myself and called Chloe from a street telephone booth. Mrs. Pamela-the hotel manager’s wife- offered me to use the hotel telephone connection, but I decently refused .I wanted to have a private chat with Chloe.

“Hello,” she answered sleepily, her voice a little hoarse.

“Sweetheart,   ‘tis your Josh here. How’s you doing love?” hearing her, it was as if my voice found a rare ecstasy.

“You’re in Turkey? Fine, I’m meeting you this afternoon,” she spoke with a decisive tone.

“Yeah . . . and if Hashem (Editor’s note: Hebrew God) wants, we’ll leave together for USA tonight,” I was thrilled to the core as I hung up the phone!

10^th September, 2001

Ataturk International Airport, Istanbul

With a scintillating surge of adrenaline, I waited restlessly, tickets in hand, and paced in the airport lobby. The solitary hour spent in a foreign surrounding weighed down on my brain with innumerable thoughts of home. Ah Israel! How my heart ached to go back to your motherly sky, land and rivers! But I know I couldn’t . . . . .not till I showed father  that  Love never bowed down to any orthodox religious traditions. . . or anyone’s obstinate pride.

Right then an acute guilt was increasingly gnawing at my conscience. Dear diary, only you know valiantly I tried . . . to convince Father. .to restore Chloe’s dignity before my family. BUT I FAILED! Father wouldn’t just listen to a single word I said. . . .

“Father, please pardon my impudence. But Chloe’s religion has no effect on her respect and gratitude for all of you,” I pleaded, “She is as much dignified as our own Israeli womenfolk are!”

Father’s squinted eyes were alight with an inferno of anger and hurt pride. Stunned by the intensity of his glare, I could only keep my head down like a criminal. Deep down my heart, I knew I committed no crime and wished Father would soon realize. But who knew my misfortune was irrevocable?

“JOSHUA!” his voice thundered, “Only because you’ve reputed degrees and been to America once, doesn’t mean you know more than your own father.”

“Forgive me father. But please try to understand. This is twenty-first century and people don’t stick to their old racial beliefs anymore.” I explained in the most decent manner.

 “SIXTY YEARS OF LIFE EXPERIENCES. And do you just CHALLENGE me saying the time has changed?” he half shouted threateningly, “I can already see what that “witch “of a woman did to you!”

It was too late for redemption. His disgrace towards Chloe had finally unleashed the fiery wreath inherited in my genes!

“DON”T YOU CALL MY CHLOE A WITCH, YOU OLD MAN!” roaring at the top of my lungs, I shut the door behind me with a bang.

It was not until I heard the speakers ringing with a distinctive female voice that my trance finally broke. Home was thousands of miles away; I was on my own now! Frantically, my beseeching eyes sought Chloe and finally found her. The very sight of her endearing visage had me beside myself with exaltation! Exchanging a rapturous embrace, we stoically dragged our luggage to the check post, linking arms with each other. By 12 o’clock that night, we boarded America Airlines in pursuit of our “happily ever after” destination. 

Deep inside I prayed to Hashem to bless my new life with Chloe. Here I was leaving behind every bits and scraps of my wretched past in the hope of an auspicious future. days!

11^th September, 2001

03:05:30 Am

America Airlines (On Board)

Throughout the beginning of the flight, everything seemed serene and falling in places. It was as if we were guarded by so strong a heavenly aura of passion that nothing could harm us until late night. Chloe was reclining on her seat and talking to me – sitting opposite to her. As I unmindfully toyed with her elegant hands, I could sense a strange coldness within her, despite the air conditioning. Then it struck me that she might be sick, and as if to solidify my guesswork, I touched her forehead to find it scorching warm. She was running a very high temperature throughout the flight; however, she gracefully hid the fact in order to keep me away from worries.

Despite all her protests, I was sincerely anxious and feeling responsible for her. So I contacted the pilot and asked for an emergency medical aid. By now, she was having tortuous feats of nausea and severe breathlessness! But to our great ill-fortune, the flight had no medical aid then. This meant we had nothing to do but wait.

With my hands tied, feeling like a criminal, I sat beside my ailing Chloe and nursed her to my best efforts. Nevertheless, her sickness worsened!

11^th September, 2001

08:00:00 Am

Hotel Marriott, WORLD TRADE CENTRE

Finally we have just landed in the safe soil of America! A bleak morning was unfolding outside for poor Chloe. My heart almost erupted with paranoia and hopes simultaneously! Luckily, without much delay, I rented us a hotel room in the magnificent Twin Tower. Little did I know my dearest beloved would be subjected to heart-rending consequences of fate! Leaving her cozily tucked in the bed; I left the Tower hurriedly to contact a known doctor, who was my childhood friend. The pendulum only chimed 12o’clock noon as I left!

11^th SEPTEMBER, 2001

01:30:00 PM

Anonymous Cafeteria, NEW YORk

The last time I wrote I was a totally different person. But now I’m STRANDED, FLABBERGASTED, LOVE-WRECKED and DAMAGED! My devastated reflection, caught within the glass frames of cafeteria door, seems completely bizarre to me. I desperately wish everything had gone right back to how it used to be. Chloe and her heart-warming sweetness . . . .the woman I could die for…my priceless wife who meant the world to me. Oh! How can I live without her, Hashem (Editor’s note: Hebrew God)? Please help me! PLEASE SEND HER BACK FOR ME! All I want is to ESCAPE from the sheer vividness of this living nightmare . . . . . but I can’t!

When I came back after few hours with the doctor rushing by me, I could not but disbelieve my own eyes and distrust the ear-splitting noises of ruins my ears captured! The Twin Tower-where my angelic ‘bride-to-be’ lay sleeping in a hotel room- has collapsed pitilessly to its very foundations due to the infamous terrorist attack-the 9/11! Standing in front of my beloved’s unceremonious cemetery, I could only wonder how our journey never really ended-the Journey to Happiness! And how dearest sick Chloe never found her panacea!