The Moment of Escape

 On the left side of my ribcage, shrouded by the flesh, right inside my throbbing heart was where she lived. A warm, rapturous presence that flowed along my blood timelessly, soothing my beseeching senses- yes, she was the VERY ONE! Like a wild gust of wind blowing into the face of a lonely traveler, on a fateful day long bygone, I had come across her. And since that very moment, a strange urge growing inside moved me greatly. I was eccentrically compelled to embed each of her priceless memories carefully in my brain, to live in the moment of her glowing charisma, to finally hold on to that divine being, and not let her escape! Sadly, this is the memoir of how blatantly I had failed that endeavor, eventually to end up perishing in the solitude of a merciless world.

It began just like any other day, except that the Evil Eye must have been on our enchanting friendship. As I proceeded with my everyday chores, an unexpected call utterly weakened my firm mindset, leading to treacherous second thoughts. The call –now though a ‘bad omen’ to me- then offered me a coveted opportunity I had been craving for so long, out of the blue! On the spur of the moment - being precariously balanced on a precipice of indecision- I SHAMEFULLY GAVE AWAY to some ephemeral glory, turning my back to the sheer reality: my EVER PRECIOUS bond with her. Oh, I still remember the PIERCING COWARDLY FEELINGS I had when I spoke to her of my intentions!

All the while her eerie silence to the entire matter sent FRIGHTENING SHUDDERS through my spine, and when she eventually pronounced those final words ‘We’re through then!’ it was as if I had lost my speech to BEWILDERMENT. Little did I know then my illusions would cost me such an irreparable damage! For long, unending days, when repentance finally penetrated my numb conscience, I flooded her with earnest apologies and prayers. But could it bring back the old, vibrant days when she could only smile at me but not CURSE? No!

In the tragic interim, I must confess of relishing numerous lucrative opportunities life could offer. . . .but without her captivating aura, it was as if EVEN THE SWEETEST OF THINGS LOST THEIR CHARMS. Have you ever felt a SHARP, INDESCRIBABLE PANG when you were gifted with the best of both worlds, but not the one you loved MOST? It is my honest confession, right at that hour, it was what I felt.

As time elapsed, my betrayal became even more obvious to her when the RUTHLESS SOCIETY constantly questioned her about this sudden separation of ours. However, she being the DEAREST TO MY HEART, I had never wanted to break apart from those old, friendly ties . . . but it was as if my sole mistake had created a TIMELESS DISTANCE between us, one I could not run across. So, I slowly retired my efforts to the mechanical hands of time nevertheless, it could not heal our seething wounds of mistrust. . . . . .but ONLY MADE THEM GANGRENOUS!

 

Gradually, perhaps by the mystical power of mutation, I had learnt to accept her absence in every PAINFUL PHASES of my life. Not surprisingly, the mention of my ‘wretched’ name does not light her angelic face with a smile anymore . . . instead it coils into a dreadful, indifferent expression that makes my hair stand on end!

Yet, life goes on as I strive to live with this intolerable, heavy burden of her HATRED. Still, the very thought - of waking up someday in her welcoming arms of companionship – is a BLUNDER I no longer make for these ACCURSED YEARS OF SURVIVAL taught me very well that. . . . .  she had long ago made HER ESCAPE!

Date: 29/09/11

With love

 Dedicated to my Best Friend Nazia Jahan Chowdhury