Moods : Call Me Versatile or Volatile ?

When I am drowning in a bottomless, murky ocean of melancholia,if you volunteer to be my 'heoric saviour',I would instantaneously spurn your seemingly selfless gesture of help!Are you wondering if I would rather accept and offer of 'uplifting conversation' with a school friend in my most personal moment of engulfing misery, disappointmentt or depression?Sorry. I'm afraid the answer is invariably a 'No'.

However, had you seen me in my happy, cheerful mood you would surely find it difficult to relate the "social pariah" side of me with the "crowd entertainer" one! Believe it or not, 'Loneliness' is my archenemy when I'm bubbling with happiness and merry, but ironically,  I would gladly shun myself from 'human company' if I'm engrossed in reflections or sulking in despair !

'Solitude' is invariably my secret hideout whenever I feel like a defeated warrior after losing the occasional battles of Life. Nothing feels so secure than to 'be on my own' as I'm teetering on the brink of a clasping depression or stubborn tantrums ! No matter how vicious be the storm of fury rummaging through my head , I would irrevocably flee to a tranquil , serene and endearing surrounding before I confronted the 'rebellious' inner ME ! The sole urge to hide myself away from every one's probing eyes ,in my moment of sudden despair or lingering embarrassment , overpowers my amicable attitudes and renders myself unresponsive , cold and introvert.

I prefer to be solitary whenever 'helplessness' crumbles my towering stamina not because of my fear of shame or self-consciousness.It's rather due to my insatiable , innate longing to ponder , by resorting to deep ,spiritual reflections, on my annoyingly ever-present vices. And , in that dire moment of salvation, I would love nothing but to embrace 'solitary hours' with my arms wide open ! A hardcore anti-pessimism, I can't imagine myself radiating the evil,negative energy of aggression, hostility and fury to the dear people living in my surroundings. So , to loneliness I see shelter and succumb to momentarily , with the flickering hope of resurrecting once again as a peaceful human being!

Once I emerge 'victorious' against the ever-potent rival - Agony - I can't wait but to return to the 'blissful crowd' of friends, family and neighbors . To me, my 'moment of euphoria' isn't meant to be treasured selfishly but to shared with everyone! Whenever my lips curl into a content smile, I want to bask in the love of my ever-familiar group of beloved ones. Nothing else matters  more when I'm jubilant than to induce my 'ecstasy' into others as well, so together we can relish the stoical, ethereal bliss of the precious moment.

My personal triumph at any aspect of life hardly prompts me to be boastful rather I gladly enjoy myself in the rapturous humility that lies in the acknowledgement of gratitude to others! The company of my beloved family, wonderful friends and entertaining neighbors alone itself makes ecstatic whenever my spirit's soaring high! Most of the time , I find myself both craving and striving for a little reason to 'smile', so that, I can lighten up the miserable souls around me by emanating the positive energy of optimism !

Does it need telling that 'life' , the most phenomenal experience of any organism , is a surreal combination of 'despair' and 'pure glee' ? So find our moods always swinging from high to low merely to maintain a harmonious balance of 'emotions' . Need I be any different ?!

Ciao  ;)

Senorita Enchantress
31/07/2012

Verses : Pent- Up & Nowhere To Belong



When "freedom" is more subjective ,and the least "objective". . . . .

Insomniac Agony

But sleep eludes me. . . .

Spurning every seductive promise I make
And am I not Pain's favorite mistress?
Insomniac hours, ceaselessly writhing,
yet more of me it craves. . . .

Deprived, my eyes are lustful
Incessantly awaiting its soporific caress
For slumber, for solace , my maddening thirst ensues. . .

But sleep eludes me. . .

Alluring me in treacherous grace

And am I not Irony's dearest ally ?

Accursed with lonely nights, dreamless. . .

- Sinorita Enchantress



Prayers of Tomorrow

Arms raised, bent knees
While her vision blurs in the mist

Holding back drops of anguish
She vows to Him not to ever cease

Till her soul bids farewell
The last breath evades, till she perishes
Her faith should not falter the least
Let despair engulf her or treacherous bliss
She promises Him not to ever cease

To forever hope and pray
Whatever ordeals now before her lay
Let tomorrow be a better day

- Senorita Enchantress



 

 

 

 

Dancing with Rain, in the Tempest

Carried away by the Rain....

And the fresh smell of earth that it brings. . . .

My body caged in a concrete prison,

Yet the mind stays afloat, free . . .

Outside it's pouring heavily, my soul craves to feel....

The trickling drops from the heavens ,the reviving wetness!

Outside the Tempest is dancing. . .

Drenching the sweet ground, flooding the brimming rivers...

And freeing the captive souls. . .

My body caged in a concrete prison,

Yet the mind stays afloat, free. . .

Carried away by the Rain..

And the fresh smell of earth that it brings.... ♥

- Senorita Enchantress
(written on the spur of the moment )

05/06/2012

When words don't seem enough, let your eyes speak for you . . . .^_^

At Crossroads with Bygone and Nowadays

Not everyday do I feel like striking my pen on the tactile paper or transforming an overflowing stream of thoughts into words. Sometimes I’m just pensive, in aimless contemplation for hours, while at other times my mind appears unusually vacant. The stark emptiness gnaws at my conscious mind; I resort to blank, unblinking stares. Somewhere within me a timid voice murmurs: let silence muffle your words unsaid. . .

Here and now, often I feel gagged, lost and yet rebellious. As each day elapses, sanity eludes me gradually and so does slumber. Unwittingly I discover my shadow dancing on the cusps of insanity. No, this inexplicable madness has little to do with me not being in my right mind. How to explain this maddening nauseating sensation isn’t within my grasp either. I think nowadays things, people and incidences around me are a bit too irritatingly stable, unchanging. I feel as if my brain is in a lethargic limbo!

Sometimes frustration envelopes me like the consummating darkness; the girl inside me screams a piercing silent scream but nothing stirs. The inner rebellion that’s raging a wild storm shamefully fails to penetrate the facade of calmness on my face! Is this a part of growing up that every other teen like me experiences? Or am I just undergoing some weird trauma due to my pathetic state of inactivity at the moment?

Had it been practically possible I wouldn’t have thought twice before mutating to a new self, shedding off my exhausted, battered and downcast self! Right now, the profundity of my silence is in severe clash with the loud, defiant inner voice. Does it need telling that I’m unendurably bored of being the lone audience of witnessing my own apocalypse and rejuvenation? What if my futile, frail attempts at emulating a mythical phoenix carry on relentlessly? Is it within my power to bring it to a halt when my shield of patience begins to rust? I don’t know.

Yet again, I catch myself saying life is as equally unpredictable as it is mysterious. Back when my traumatized brain was weighed down with insurmountable study loads, could I ever foretell how I’d loathe my short-lived leisure as it comes? I think we, human beings, are the weakest creatures when it concerns building an impregnable, connecting bridge between our dreams and reality! Often we do not know certainly if we want to reach the horizon or just stop midway to speculate a passing by object of wonder. Do we actually know where the butterfly stops or the sky begins? Aren’t we always on the run, day and night, without knowing where the finishing line lies? Our rapidly shrinking world seems to be an ever-stretching, ever-winding and unending race track! So we run anyway.

In the end, what makes each of us different from each other is how we look at life but not how we live it. No matter how ordinary and uninteresting we may seem to the world, inside each of us resides an extraordinary being ,ready to leap at the first opportunity of expression! Yet some of us choose to show it, while some prefer to play behind the curtains. When it comes to me, I think I chose the latter crowd. As my best friend recently complained, there is an other side of me which seem foreign to her . . . a part which is so unlike me. Now when I come to think of it, I figure out I have changed unwittingly during the days of our emotional conflicts. Perhaps people who used to know the "old" me are at unease with my new persona, or perhaps I'm yet an amtature when it comes to introducing my ever-changing thoughts .

These days ,whenever I spent lazy hours reclining on my bed or sitting in an idle posture by the window, my mind desperately craves to go back to the younger, vivacious and fun-filled times! Gilded memories of  tiresome but exhilarating school days sway like a soothing breeze along the preiphery of my existence. Fed up with all the latest hype about personal achievements,as one finishes school, more often I seek for solace, recalling the myriad,highly imaginative and virtually unattainable childhood dreams I cherish till date!

They say ,when you're young and restless, your dreams change all so fast as you leap from one year to the other. But does that mean we lose them forever from our hearts because our new aspirations are more dominating and practical ? How about being a little daring once in a while to give our forgotten ,fading dreams the flamboyant hues of a fresh rainbow ? In the past, being quite obsolete about accepting new ideas, amazingly, these days I believe differently. My countless day to day experiences have taught me I can overcome every impossiblity with perseverance, firm faith and will power!

In truth, isn't it actually a matter of time or luck before we get a headstart into our desired destinations ? But before our dreams and realities collide, don't we all have to survive the preceeding crux : the interval of genuine patience and efforts ? Needless to say , nowadays whenever hopelessness consummates me, I remind myself of my bygone resolutions ,and how they deserve fulfillment. Perhaps I was more motivated in the past , maybe I easily give up these days but what is still unchanging is my incessant desire to strive for better outcomes! That flickering ray of glowing optimism ,in my ocean of darkness, still lights my way as I timidly step onto the seemingly unending quest to become a true human being. Not surprisingly , this inner transition is what I believe gave deeper meanings to my poems nowadays . . .

The more I see of Life with a renewed vision , I more I realized I might be at crossroads with who I should be right now. Nevertheless, deep inside me, I certainly know I am not confused at all ! After all, good things take time and till the wait ensues , what else but the following verses can better describe my nirvana ?!

Arms raised, bent knees
While her vision blurs in the mist
Holding back tears of anguish

She vows to Him not to ever cease

Till her soul bids farewell,
The last breath evades , till she perishes
Her Faith should not falter the least
Let despair engulf her or the treacherous bliss

She promises Him not to ever cease

To forever hope and pray
Whatever ordeals now before her lay
Let tomorrow be a better day!

Sinorita Enchantress
sinorita.bushra@yahoo.com
June 26th , 2012

Ode to Inamorato

 

Ode to Inamorato

At the end of a nauseating dream

When the limbs of fatality envelopes me

Your path be illuminated by the moon

Whenever starless might the serene seem

Oh,my love,come to me then-will you?

 Be your path strewn in dew-soaked roses

As to the realm of Life,I say goodbye soon

Shrouded be in sheer snow so far you see

And before I fade away into nothingness

Come to me once,my Inamorato,will you?

 


Let downpour drench the ground

In torrents ,or in raindrops...

Let me bleed,as my love you wound

When in agony,the heart naively sobs




While the Reaper lulls me into a soporific quietus

With last remnants of Life,I pray,when I crave. . .

Your quest be shaded by the caress of a wild deciduous

In deathless love,you,the clouds may drape. . .

Yet eons have elapsed ,come my love,will you?

 

On the verge of a never-ending oblivion

Death when I combat to love you evermore

Beloved you even be,if my dream shatters,into shards million

Come soon ,Inamorato, before I enter doom's door!

Deathly fatigued,my arms await you,run to me -will you?
 

Let downpour drench the ground

In torrents ,or in raindrops...

Let me bleed,as my love you wound

When in agony,the heart naively sobs

At the beginning of your nevermore dream

Buried though my presence be, may you ever live. . .

Senorita Enchantress

sinorita.bushra@yahoo.com

September 28,2010

Editor's Note :  I write this poem being unimaginably inspired from a song Aaoge Jab Tum -Jab We Met....a Hindi film,(the most unlikely thing to ever happen to me)..And for a second reason ,because the title was hovering on my head for long.So it'd be really regarded if you read,and told me how I did..:D

For convenience :
Inamorato means 'lover' in Italiano

The Sibling Crux



Whenever my sibling and I are spotted together, if someone ‘mistakes’ me to be the younger one, I cannot help but be vexed instantly. No, the reason behind such ‘short-temper’ is not my ‘hurt’ ego. Actually, it is the evanescent fantasy of having an ‘elder sibling’ – induced by their optical illusion- which tantalizes me! Ask me to choose between a ‘pampered’ little brother and an “affectionate” elder sister. I would gleefully pick the more tempting latter option.

Who would ever prefer ‘persistent torture and annoyance’ in the guise of a ‘diminutive’ younger sibling to the ever reliable, responsible, ‘superhuman’ older one? Frankly speaking, only pathetic victims of an ‘ever-inquisitive younger sibling’ like me can perceive the insurmountable agony of not having a discerning older sibling. Believe me or not. Babysitting your impish younger brother, who has an unstoppably destructive nature, is supposedly the worst possible curse you could be afflicted with! Would we rather not love to have someone friendly and mature to help with our ‘bewilderingly difficult’ homework or to bash up some ‘intimidating’ bully at school? Trust me; the pride of showing off your ‘masculine and macho’ big brother to your gullible schoolmates is unearthly!

 

If you have someone older to share your deepest, stupid secrets–an elder brother maybe- consider yourself to be the luckiest person at this moment! Had you told the same ‘precious’ secret to your ‘toddler’ brother he would instantaneously demonstrate his wicked prowess of a telltale kid! Not only would he ‘exaggerate’ your petty errors while feeding him but also he’d complain vociferously to your parents if you avoid his ‘irritating’ company. What else could, however, match the wild euphoria of being handed over to your awesome, uber cool and negotiable elder sibling’s custody by your disciplinarian parents?

 

Nonetheless, remember the grass always looks greener on the other side. Serving under the tyranny of an elder sibling can be a painful experience! Just imagine how frustrated and angry you would feel if your dominating , older sibling tried to ‘dictate’ your Facebook friend list. Or what about the ensuing embarrassment you could suffer when your ‘suddenly evil’ brother rebukes you for some petty reason before your friends? At such helpless times, when one feels exhausted under the skeptical scrutiny of his elder contemporary, he craves longingly for a younger, loving and adorable younger sibling !

Have you ever noticed the innocent enthusiasm with which your ‘baby sister’ greets you after a long , tedious day at school? Were you not always ‘irritated’ by her routine habit to kiss you goodnight? Speaking from years of personal experience, younger siblings seem to be an exotic bunch of beings who love you unconditionally, despite your success or failure. They adore your ‘imperfect’ ways and even ‘envy’ them , innocently thinking of you as their personal ‘superhero’! Does it not feel refreshingly exalting to know that ‘monstrous little brat’ of a brother secretly looks up to you for solving his myriad childish problems? It’s time you acknowledge their heartfelt affection and leniently forgive their ‘annoying pranks’!

Whether or not you have the desired type of sibling shouldn’t affect your relationship with your brother/sister .In my opinion, we should love our siblings despite all their shortcomings . After all, they are unquestionably our closest and dearest contemporaries- be younger or older!

Scarcity of Solace

Scarcity of Solace

At times when everything seems downright normal

The mechanicality of life, the rusted tenacity of desire

Another day comes to an end but along with a change

The dream of a new dawnbreak- I find that missing

But that isn't what leaves me sleepless, oh

Like the flow of blood in veins I am close to it!

All around me.....

There is nowhere a body could find solace.

Surrounding my vision....

There are people who hammer away their night's sleep.

Night creeps in eerie bringing down the house of world's

 The wild wind sweeps over me sucking away all my reserves.

It's then that I feel naked , thrown aside like an open book.

And in my ears, it does linger; your once-told words!

Echoing for itself as it does, knotting my heart into sore tangles.

I shower to soak this scarred soul in the cravings of your touch!

 

All around me.....

There is nowhere a body would find solace.

Surrounding my vision.....

I witness people hammering away their night's sleep.

I have had cried for you once a while but often,

On the spur of moments when the anguish rose to the surface.

Missing your presence in the darkest of hours,

I felt so lonesome I wished I were dead in grave!

Shedding those helpless tears, it never helped but...

They kept on nagging at our love - our being together.

All around me....

It chokes me -- the lack of solace.

Surrounding my vision....

There is an awkward emptiness, awkward enough

 That it leaves us sleep-drained.

The hysterical writhing and fluttering of souls, only solace could heal

Without you, solace, morning doesn't seem to be butterfly wings,

And noons no more a purple glow! The dusty piece of

Macbeth lays alone -- in Shakespeare do I lose my faith...

Awaiting  it, as I do, a body knows how it feels

Like a desert rose does the arrival of solace bring, pure glee!

All around me....

There is nowhere I hadn't sought for solace.

Surrounding my vision....

People cry themselves to death just to resurrect in another nightmare

It never helps..........

Sinorita Enchantress
Date: 16/06/09